Some time has passed since J'nas and Jenna talked. She finds out about Raeche, and a few more things she didn't know. She also admits she wants more from J'nas than she thought she did.

jenna - Monday, September 09, 2002, 7:47 PM
-------------------------------------------

Fort Weyr Bowl, by the lake

This long stretch of the bowl lies to the southeast of the feeding grounds. At its western end, near the wall, the ground dips down slightly to where a lake has formed. Dragons are often washed there by their riders, and both riders and their dragons often swim in the cool waters.

The fenced off portion of the bowl for the Weyr's herds is to the northwest. To the north, a small structure built against the feeding ground pens serves as the Weyr's stables. Waves gently lap the shore to the west, and the rest of the bowl lies to the northeast.

Contents:

Hanreth

J'nas

J'nas coughs to hide a quick burst of laughter. "You don't want people to jump to conclusions?"

Jenna nods. "Well, yeah. I mean, whomever catches deserves to catch because they're the fastest and strongest." What a good deal of little girl ideals she has.

J'nas clears his throat. "I'm sure that Niyath would still ensure that a strong dragon catches her. On the other hand, the Pass is nearly over. I wouldn't be surprised if the clutches start getting smaller."

Jenna nods. "They should. But still. I mean," she challenges, starting to turn red. "How would you like it if Hanreth caught, and they said it was all just because I was sharing furs with you?"

Above the center of the bowl, Gyreventh spreads his wings and launches off Ghianath's ledge.

Above the center of the bowl, Gyreventh disappears into Between.

"Ah-ha!" J'nas raises a finger and points at you. "I seem to remember not wanting to bed anyone because the weyr would think it was just flight lust. Do you remember that conversation and what you told me?"

Jenna frowns, "Well, yes, but I don't see how that applies here..."

J'nas gives you a look that just asks the question, 'You're kidding, right?' The brownrider shakes his head. "It's the same thing. It's all about appearances."

Jenna frowns. "I don't see how it's different. And yes, I'm worried about appearances. Would you want people to say that about you?"

J'nas shrugs. "I've stopped worrying about what people say. Folk are going to talk no matter what I do, so there's no point in getting stressed about it." When did he come to this revelation? He takes a moment to consider you. "Aren't you concerned about the gossip about foreign dragons on Niyath's ledge?"

Jenna blinks, taken entirely aback. "What? What're you talking about?"

J'nas tilts his head in confusion. "You haven't heard the rumors? The old sisters were saying that an older Igen brown was seen getting cozy with Niyath."

Jenna's brow furrows. "Igen brown... there's been two that've visited, Kobeth and Khev - oh! I let N'ren stay in one of the chairs because he was too tired to between - Niyath said." She looks a trifle exasperated, "I can't believe people are saying that, what with Zak and Yvera living with me. Honestly!"

"Are you going to let that bother you," J'nas asks, "Or are you going to dismiss it since you know the truth?"

Jenna admits slowly, "Well, no..." She pauses and then says, "But... if whomever catches Niyath *is* someone I'm sharing furs with, well, how can I be sure?"

J'nas sits up a little straighter. "What difference does it make what people think? Unless it lowers they're respect for you, it really shouldn't matter, should it?"

Jenna shakes her head. "I just want to do the right thing - for her and for the weyr. Is that so wrong?" She sounds vaguely defensive.

J'nas smiles soothingly. "Niyath will be sure to do what's right."

Jenna asks worriedly, "How do you know? She's never done this before."

"What, rise?" J'nas asks. "There isn't a gold anywhere that knew what she was doing the first time. I'm sure you aren't the first weyrwoman to worry about this. Have talked with Leah?"

Jenna nods. "She says pretty much he same thing you do."

J'nas asks, "Then why do you continue to worry about it? Like I said, unless respect is lost, don't worry about what gossip says."

Jenna says quietly, "Easier said than done." She pauses and then asks, "Since when did you stop worrying about gossip anyway?"

"Since a friend of mine pointed out a blatant fact during my drunken stupor," J'nas replies. "He brought on a moment of clarity for me."

Jenna asks blankly, "You were drunk? Who? And what'd he say?"

J'nas clarifies. "I was drunk in Southern Boll. R'tran told me that I had too much Harper Hall influence. He said that the Hall concerned itself with appearances too much. It kind of shocked me to hear that kind of wisdom coming from him, but it made sense." J'nas shifts against Hanreth's flank and gets a little more comfortable. "I've been applying the Harper mentality to gossip instead of the Weyr mentality."

Jenna frowns, "And what's the difference?"

J'nas frowns as well as he tries to come up with the right words. "Both places are full of gossip but Harpers and weyrfolk approach it differently. Harpers have to maintain certain appearances, so the gossip isn't so public. Weyrfolk generally take it all in stride and make no secret of rumor-mongering.

Jenna says mildly, "Well, that doesn't mean that all of us like it, you know. You'd think there's be something more interesting to talk about."

J'nas shakes his head. "I'm not saying you have to like it. I just think you shouldn't worry about it. Besides, the laundry women don't really have anything else to talk about," he adds with a crooked smile.

Jenna smiles, almost unwillingly, at the sight of his own. "I guess. I still don't want to influence her though. I'm trying to keep just about everyone at arm's length because of it."

J'nas nods. "I suppose you have to do what you feel is right. "How long do you think you can keep it up, though? Aren't you afraid that Niyath will be upset by your self-imposed isolation?"

Jenna flushes. "I'm not exactly isolated. There's someone - but it's not weyrmating, and it's casual." She doesn't look at him as she says this, and then yes lift to take in his expression.

J'nas' features darken for a brief instant before he recovers a look of casual interest. "It's good to hear that you're not hiding," he says flatly.

Jenna chews on her lower lip. "And he can't possibly catch," And that, in her mind, is one of the important things. "You're angry?" She sounds uncertain.

J'nas shakes his head, the movement almost indiscernible. "There's no reason to be angry," he says in a barely audible whisper. "Who you choose to spend your time with is your business."

Jenna's brow furrows. "Don't. Please? I've tried to explain - okay, the reason may not make sense to you, but it doesn't change that I'm worried about it. And you yourself said that my rank got in the way before, and that's a hard thing to get over!" The words are pouring out, "I do care about you. And yes, I even went up to your weyr that night, and got Niyath to hush up your lizards. No I'm not terribly proud of it, but I did it. And then you went to Raeche, and so I can certainly understand how you feel. I felt like a complete idiot. But I wasn't going to lie about it, because that just makes it even worse. You deserve to know because I don't just want to share furs with you." She stops then, biting down on her lip and going a bit white. Looks like she might've said a bit too much.

J'nas remains quiet throughout the torrent of words. When Jenna falls silent, he studies her face before speaking. "So the entire truth is finally out," he murmurs. "It's a shame that we can't get our timing right, isn't it?" His words carry wistful undertones as his eyes unfocus.

Jenna chews on her lower lip. "I..." She pauses and then asks, a trifle helplessly, "What do you want me to do?"

J'nas blinks. "Me? I want you to do whatever makes you happy. Life isn't worth living if you aren't happy."

Jenna says, "Well, I'm not *un*happy. Just worried." She asks, "What about you and Raeche? You said... a while ago, you weren't really the marrying type either."

A faint smile makes it's way to J'nas' lips. "I haven't been with Raeche since late winter. I'm not saying anything about handfasting or weyrmating, either. Not right this moment, anyway."

Jenna fumbles a bit. "Not since late win - well who-" She breaks off then, flushing. "Nevermind. That was rude."

J'nas chuckles lightly. "It's alright. Other than the occasional greenrider after a flight, I haven't."

Jenna ohs softly. She murmurs, "At least your laughing a bit now."

J'nas shrugs. "I've learned to quit worrying so much over the past turn. It doesn't accomplish anything. I still worry about certain things, just not the trivial stuff."

J'nas adds, "Now we just have to work on getting you to laugh more."

Jenna objects, "I laugh."

J'nas raises an eyebrow. "You must do it when I'm out on sweeps. I always wind up in these deep conversations with you. Not that I have a problem with our discussions, mind you."

Jenna's lips twist. "I must be rather boring to you, then. As serious as Niyath is?"

J'nas protests, "You are hardly boring!"

Jenna says a trifle wistfully, "I didn't used to be. Then I grew up. All of a sudden. In the last two turns and seven months. One of my foster's is apprenticed, and now I've got two sharing a weyr with me - *I* think I'm boring. Most exciting conversation I usually have at night is what lessons were today."

J'nas grins. "That's just being a parent. You don't have to be that way you know. Do you think Master Jenufa is a boring mother?"

Jenna drawls, "Nooooo. But it's not exactly a barrel of laughs, you know?"

J'nas shakes his head. "I don't expect that it is. That's why you have to take time out for yourself. The two of them are old enough that they don't need constant supervision."

Jenna eyes him. "Zak and Yv? You *are* kidding right?"

J'nas returns that look. "How old are they?"

You say "Ten turns. And full of mischief. And Yv's only just getting settled. And then there's all the work in records and Niyath to take care of..."

J'nas pffs. "That's old enough to tell them you need some private time. You can't spend /all/ of your time in the records room. As for Niyath, that's the time you use to rest and relax.:

Jenna nods. "I do. Honest. Well, maybe not rest. But relax, sure."

J'nas admits, "It's a start. Now you just need to find a /human/ grown-up to talk with a little more often."

Jenna smirks faintly, "Well, you wondered why we always have these deep discussions." She shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, clasping arms around herself.

J'nas nods. "There you go then. Why don't you have a seat instead of standing there all night?"

Jenna hesitates and then settles in with the caveat, "I should go in just a few minutes. Make sure they're not trying to start a fire. They were going on about that this morning. Niyath's swearing she's not going to sleep in her weyr until Elynth gets over this thing with the pebbles."

"It's your call," J'nas says with a half-hearted shrug. "Is Elynth blaming the pebbles on Niyath or something?"

Jenna shakes her head. "Niyath's convinced she's sweeping them down onto her ledge though."

J'nas covers his mouth to hold back a laugh. "So why doesn't Niyath sweep them off of /her/ ledge?"

Jenna blinks at J'nas. "And clutter up Shalith's? Are you joking? No, she's just going to stay on the starstones until Elynth gets this out of her system. Besides," she murmurs, "The star stones are nice."

J'nas nods in agreement. "The star stones /are/ nice. Have you been staying up there with her?"

Jenna shakes her head. "She's just started it tonight. And I have to stay with the kids, so..."